Garie Beach

This is a story that Im making, can you tell me what you think? if its good or to boring? thanks?

It was a beautiful rainy night. I was alone in the street wandering in the shadows feeling sad and lonely. All my life I had been alone without a home to go to. Dreaming of someone to come to get me and make me feel safe. The cold wind had my bare feet trembling and the rain had my clothes soaking wet but it didn't matter to me. I loved the rain especially in my saddest days. It made me feel that I was free from this world's misery and disaster. Suddenly, while feeling the drops of rain in my face, a man crabbed me and started to touch every single part of my body. It was so dark that now one seemed to see me in pain. I thought that it was a waste of time to scream since no human care about my safety. During my whole life I had to protect my self from danger but this man was to strong so I surrender and let him do as he pleased with my body. The tears didn't stopped and I felt weak and powerless. All of the sudden the man stopped touching me and stood up. He had torn my already badly clothes but didn't ruined my life by taking my virginity instead he stared at my watery eyes and left without a word. I was afraid but curious at the same time. Why he had stopped? What had happed? In spite of my fear I went after him. The rain had stopped and the sun was about to rise. I fallow the man thinking that he didn't saw me. Unexpectedly he stopped and looked behind him. I ran to a corner and tried to hide from him. I was curious but not brave enough to let him see me. I looked over the edge of the corner slowly to see if he had continued his march. When I looked the man was gone and hadn't left any trace what so ever. I was confuse, how he had run of so quickly? Out of the blue, someone ask me why was I fallowing him. I stood still and look slowly at the back of me. It was the same man that crabbed me. He was a handsome strong man with a serious look in his face. While trembling I asked him what had happened back there. He stared again at my eyes and said that he had stopped because he saw that I wasn't worth his time. I looked straight at him feeling sorry for my self. Was I that worthless that not even he wanted to have me? Why was a feeling so miserable? Shouldn't I felt happy that he didn't do any thing to me? The man slowly began his walk again but even if I felt badly, I didn't want him to go. No matter the reason he had stooped his action and I felt grateful to him because of that. I continue to fallow him but this time letting him see me. The man got really angry and stopped ones more. This time he crabbed my neck but I wasn't scared at all and looked straight at him with a fearless look. The man threw me hardly to the ground and asked me if I wanted him to finish what he started. I swallow slowly and put my head down responding no to his question. Then the asked me what did I wanted from him and I said: "I want to be your servant" "I want to be near you" "I want to get to know you". The man gaze at me and answered: "Do as you please" I didn't know why but I was happy to stay with him. I was determined to respect him in any way. Even if he had tried to do me harm I was sure that he was a got person. The man started to walk again and I was walking beside him all the time. We arrived to the beach well he decided to stay for the day. I was curious to know where did his house was but didn't ask. I just stood beside him the whole day. Rapidly, I remember that I hadn't asked his name so I asked him. He was looking at the ocean with a sadly look. He gave me a sadly smile and said: "My name is Ennosuke, no more questions for today; let's go get something to eat Lena". I was shocked because he knew my name. I respected his request and just answered: "yes master Ennosuke" ^_^ TO BE CONTINUE

Public Comments

1. YOU have tremendous potential. I want to read more. THANK YOU! .
2. It is very interesting, but a little implicit, why was this, was it necessary? Can you get the point across without it?? Good luck anyway and GOD bless.
3. It's a good story, but you need to fix some things. The beginning where you want someone to come AND get you, and it's GRABBED, not crabbed in both places, and it should be I was curious to know where his house was and it's "follow" not fallow. It's not boring at all, it's interesting, keep it up.
4. It is very good and captivating for me as a reader also. It is not boring. Thank you for sharing this story.
5. keep writing,,, also consider joining adhd group in story or reality the ideas expressed are classic
6. it's very interesting, i just want to know what's next.... please continue....
7. To be honest. I think it could and would be a really good story if you went back over it and checked you spelling and add and take away some things that need it. As for the beginning how can a night be beautiful if it is raining. And why would someone go chasing after a rapist who has stolen a person's virginity. I would get help as soon as possible. So go back over your story and redo some parts in it. You could have a very good story. Good luck. Are you trying to becom a writer or something?