Garie Beach

where do i go at this stage in life?

im 32 now and at times i feel worried about where my life is heading. i see a lot of my old school mates that have done well, they have kids, successful jobs, partners, successful lives etc ---- - one girl i was close to emigrated to Australia...and spends her afternoons by the beach, i saw a picture of her holding her little kid with sunglasses on. this kills me to look at them on facebook, i feel a sense of deep loss seriously. my life took a different turn completely with psychological difficulties , prison record, abuse in earlier life , not that severe , but its still abuse . misfortunes...making mistakes ....squandered away years. my ankle operated on last year because of torn ligaments . ankle still feels weak slightly. ive survived like in the song '' strange little girl '' by the stranglers , but im now 32 , have a disadvantaged record.....missed out on an average life of : relationships, being employed, getting qualifications and most other things. i feel an aching loss in my soul seeing all my old mates, seeing all the things ive missed out on. ive lived in my one bedroomed flat for 6 years, doing better with the psychological services...take medication...i live off disability...own few material possessions. ive aged premature in my face , i have a big disadvantaged history, and im wondering, panicking what im gonna do ? how will i achieve my own special ambitions ? of gaining relationships, getting a decent paid computer job ...moving to a quiet seaside village...buying my own home. it destroys me to look at all my old mates on facebook and how well they've done. anyone any ideas on just what i do from here ?

Public Comments

1. you really gotta think positive and go out..meet people make friends, party fuck everything..have fun haha
2. So this FACEBOOK is really detrimental to you it seems to be the BULK of you anguish about life etc.... Seeing as you've mentioned it in the beginning and restated it at the end. First and foremost I suggest you cease any interaction w/ FACEBOOK. Hence, deactivation of your account. Seeing your old classmates appearing "happy" and in fairytale land is causing you ample distress and you cant help BUT to compare youself to them. You may feel out of the loop, but then you will be ecstatic once you deactivate it. (Trust me i deactivated mine 2 months ago and feel great). The jealousy you have for them will stop as well. Anyways, I feel facebook is more of a place to network. Then you have some people who use it to show off. 1. you're not pretentious 2. You have no one to network with seeing as you've mentioned it and 3. Im pretty sure anyone you're close w/ on facebook you can just call or text them you dont need FB to do that. Which further proves my demand for you to deactivate your account. Once you've took that into consideration we can move on to concern B. Your background "hinderances". Yes you have a dissabilty. Yes you've "aged". A prison record. And you've made mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes dear. But that doesnt have to define who you are today and who you can be,...thats just who you WERE. For the time being. I can tell you want to do things better for yourself. All you have to do now is take action. Stop worrying about those classmates and start worrying about your first step to achieving your goals. Everyone ha goals some people just accomplish them faster than others, but that doesnt mean you'll NEVER get to it. It just takes time and patience. I gaunrantee if you stop worrying about how the past and negative things you will start feeling better about yourself. Try and say something positive about yourself everyday in the mirror. Try saying what you want to be as if you are it. "Hi im 32, i'm Bill, I work with computers"...."Hi, im Bill, and I appreciate where my life is now but, i'm working on augmenting it so I can fully accept/be content with it" etc... You need to buy yourself a nice suit and tie. Groom yourself up and smile. Go into a place you want to work and talk to the manager about possible employment or if they have any reccomendations. Remember not everyone is going to be friendly, but the fatc that you ACCOMPLISHED even THAT small goal is a great start! And as far as starting a family, trust me that day will happen for you. You'll meet someone you never thought you would and you guys will be able to share all your problems, but not be hindered by them and you'll be able to laugh at them together! With a positive attitude brings positive people so your friendships will begin to gravitate as well. And if I didn't care about you I wouldnt've took 30 minutes out my day to help you concern by concer! =] Good luck hun!
3. Don't compare yourself to others because you'll never feel satisfied. You have to discover what blessings you have in your life and be grateful for them. In order to do that, you'll need to use a broader perspective than the one that you have been using to get down on yourself. There's a great passage in "Desiderata" that speaks of what you are doing. It says; "If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans." I'll bet my next 20 dinners that deep down inside each of them, in all your schoolmates there exists a common desire for what is outside their existence too. I wasted 32 of my 49 years fooling around with women, song, and drugs. I know that I could just throw in the towel and go back to all that so I can forget how I feel when I compare myself to "successful" people. But I've been clean from all drugs for 5.5 years and that in and of itself is an accomplishment that not everyone can achieve. It's an even greater one when I compare my current self to my old self. That's "who" I compete with. I'm on disability also. I am troubled by the realization that I'm about to turn 50 and I'm back in my parents nest. But it isn't permanent because there is a PLAN that I am following to change that. I cannot return to the career that I enjoyed for 23 years. I made more money at it than I knew what to do with and what I did with it was become an addict. In retrospect, I was incapable of doing anything with that bit of success. With that in mind, I now understand what mistakes I have made. For the first time in my life, I am following a planned course of action in order to return to the workforce albeit in another line of work (computers). I am also brushing up on long-forgotten skills in woodworking and welding. I have hope now, and from the perspective of one who pissed away his shot at success, I think I can make a go of it despite myself and my situation. What you are going through is only natural because it should serve to get you going. It was too easy to do nothing and feel sorry for myself. That was HARD to go through. But one day I decided to do something different. I put down the drugs and got the help I needed to stay clean. Then I stopped moping about my disability and got help in dealing with my state of mind. What came of that was this course of action where I am going to a local college for computers. I think you are entirely capable of doing the same thing. Don't shoot for the moon, do something that you can accomplish. Be humble in your plans and stick to it. Anything is possible and many of those that can happen are of a positive nature. There is an innate sense of success just being in the pursuit of goals. You CAN do it.