Garie Beach

How is my beginning to my story? (I'm 15 if you need to know)?

“I love you” I said as I smiled shyly into the beautiful face before me. Her name was Kate and we had dated for years. I had never spoken the words until that beautiful night on the beach. The soft, orange glow of the sunset illuminated her soft brown hair. Kate smiled softly and leaned forward, and whispered sweetly in my ear, “I love you too.” The feeling burst inside, I could not contain my happiness to hear her say those three, powerful words. The fear of rejection had eaten at me for months, and to finely say it, and hear it in return caused an unexplainable feeling. I smiled broadly, and held her hand. “Kaitlyn Marie, will you marry me?” I asked getting down on one knee, and opening a small ring box with a glistening diamond ring inside. My heart stopped, yet at the same time beated at an insane rate, and I felt it hard to breath. “Yes, I will!” she exclaimed joyfully, a tear streaking down her face. I slipped the small engagement ring slowly on her finger as we happily laughed softly. I stood up and looked down on my beautiful fiancé. “May I?” I asked holding out my hand down to her. Kate smiled, took my hand gently, and rose to her feet. We dance slowly, looking into each other’s eyes. “I love you so much” I whispered over and over again. It was all I could say; I was so happy and still a little shaky from the previous nervousness. I know you’re probably thinking “What? You didn’t kiss!” Truth be told, I, along with Kate, thought purity to be key. Neither of us would kiss or go any father than hugs and hand holding until marriage. Making it that much sweeter and special when the moment will finally come. “Let’s walk down the beach” Kate said with a smile. Kate always had a beautiful and unique personality. Never again would I meet such a magnificent girl in my life. She enjoyed simple things in life; walking in the rain, leaves falling in the fall, dancing under the stars; she was special. Her morals and faith were so remarkable, and was a huge part of what made her shine brightly among the dimly lit others. “Okay” I said as we started off, the sun to our backs. The ocean’s breeze blew softly, her hair blowing so calmly and perfectly. Her bare feet and beautiful white sundress complimented her stunning features well; her ring twinkling softly in the fading sunshine. “I’m speechless!” she burst out, a tear gently gliding down her cheek. “It doesn’t matter; your eyes say it all.” I said starring into hers. “How did I ever get lucky enough to get you?” I asked quizzically. “I mean, what made you ever look twice at a guy like me?” Kate laughed happily. “I was the lucky one. Besides, it was God’s plan all along.” I smiled, “God; who knew He had such an amazing future in store for me.” I looked at Kate, and than up to the sky. “Thanks” I said, the stars popping out one by one in the twilight sky. “Tony, dance with me?” she asked, seeing the moon coming out. As I mentioned before, Kate found simple pleasure in her small term goals. One of those goals being to dance in the moonlight, wearing a white dress, with the ocean’s water’s lapping slowly ashore. “Any day” I said taking her hand. I pulled her in close, smiled, than twirled her back out, than back into my arms. We swayed to and fro, my arms around hers; Kate laughed. “It’s just like I always pictured it” she said as I twirled her out again, the bottom of her lacy dress taking the shape of a bell. “I knew waiting, and not chasing, would do the trick,” She teased. I pulled her in close again, “I’m glad you did.” “My mom will be so happy” Kate smiled, a happy, yet sad look appeared in her eyes, and I knew what she was thinking. “I’m sorry your dad didn’t live to walk you down the aisle Kate.” I said slowly, hugging her tightly. “Me too” she said, thinking. “I know that he is proud of you though, and that he will have the best seat in the house on our day!” I said reassuringly. Kate smiled, and I swayed slowly with her in my arms. “So, where, my dear, do you want to be married?” I asked, trying to bring up her spirits again. Kate looked up at me smiling; “That’s one thing that has always been foggy.” “What do you mean?” I asked. “I mean” she began, “ that I can’t figure out if I want to be married in the fall, in a wide open field, with brightly colored leaves flowing about..” “Or?” “Or if I want to be married on the beach, with the sea breeze blowing in, and the soft sand beneath our feet.” I smiled, “I’m sure you’ll have a dream of it one night.” By this time, the sun had completely set beneath the Earth, and the night was becoming briskly chilly. “Here” I said untying my sweater from around my waist, “Put this on.” I gently placed my blue jacket around her shoulders. “Hmm.” She sighed as she laid her head on my shoulder, “This night as been so romantic.” Kate suddenly laughed as if she had just remembered something. “I remember one time, at that Taco Shack, they had hot sauce packets, and one said on it, “Will you marry me?” “Kate started chuckling again, “I remember being so afraid that I would end up getting a Taco from someone, and they use the packet to propose to me!” We stood there laughing. I picked up a white flower I had set aside and pinned it in her hair. I knew that this was who God had intended me to be with for the rest of my life; I just had not planned on the unexpected turning it upside down. Sorry, it ran too long to fit into one page. Anyways, please be honest and tell me what you think of it. If you dislike it, than that's just fine too! I'm 15 if you need an age to judge by. Thank you =) Thanks everyone! I know it starts off perfect and picture perfect , and hey, truth be told, a little cheesy! =P But I had to do that so that my next part will make people really 'feel' for the moment. I'm planning on having Kate die in a dramatic and sudden way..than Tony goes crazy, etc. but ends up good in the end! Thanks for ALL of the help!

Public Comments

1. Seriously, you shouldn't post any of your work on here. It's okay, but you should probably write in more imagery to really set the mood. Push your mind to write something different, because this sounds a bit too normal. Why save the mystery for the end? Put in tidbits throughout the intro. Good luck. Edit: Hey and be sure to not give up if you know you're good at it - I wrote my first novel (335 pages) when I was 14, and I'm working on my second one and various other projects, and I'm just 17. You just have to be optimistic and determined!
2. i really like it and was instantly drawn in, great job!!! If you want more comments on your story then i suggest you join this website, i have an account on it. Its safe and free and no one can steal your work. www.worthyofpublishing.com
3. its good, everything seems to be going well wich is wierd for me to be reading! i liked the upside down bit at the end yeah im a bit of a sadist.. gramar & spelling seems fine, only thing i would say is when i first started reading it it seemed a little cheesy and the characters seem to be to good i like kates character i think the guy telling it should sudenly fall out of love with her or... something, anyway thats my opinion.. if anyone wants to read my story theres a link bellow: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4709515/1/Corpses
4. wow, i am a young writer, and i think it is pretty good. i am writing a book of my own. i think it is a bit exaggerated, or not enough. it is important to get your audience (the readers) to feel like you are watching from inside him. pretty good so far, keep it up.